my thoughts of the world

همبرغر

2010-01-31T21:36:00.003+03:00

"Sorry Mama", the boy whispered intimately into his mothers ears as they embraced into a heartwarming hug that spread its wings over their ongoing struggles, their struggles of leaving Palestine...

This scene, as viewed in the highly acclaimed "Amreeka" by Palestinian director Cherien Dabis who carefully catches the insights of a Palestinian family torn between staying in their beloved country, or taking the one time opportunity and whisking away to the land of همبرغر, Amreeka...

It happens every now and then that you have the opportunity to get fully immersed into a movie that captures the spirit of an entire epidemic, for a lack of a better word, in the lives of a handful of individuals... Amreeka is one of those movies.

Its a story of a nation torn apart, its a story of a loving mother, its a story of a sacrifice unlike other, its a story of homesickness, and its a story of how love does actually conquer all, mind you, skillfully mastered as to keep you waiting till th end, and no, palestine does not get its independece, it is not that kind of tale, Amreeka, beggining to end, is a short roll of film for a family of two, and their dwelling from the middle east, to the far west...

Looking forward to see its nominations in 2010 Oscars, don't miss it, currently showing in Grand CIty Mall...

Istanbul Diaries - Day 5

2010-01-15T02:12:00.001+03:00

I Should have posted this along time ago...

Everything must come to an end, and so does this, Day 5.

Having had purchased a handful of tackiness, I was thankful for the extra backpack tugged in my suitcase. I landed with my luggage at the reception, were I left them to tour the Sultan Ahmed area one last time.

I cannot believe I haven’t mentioned their Kebab yet, it’s true, everything they tell you about Turkish Kebab is true, that is if, and only if, you know where to eat.

Having the image of an outdated fast-food chain, the Pudding shop’s front does not do it justice; they offer the best treatment of Kebab along the Sultan Ahmad street, go for their lunch specialty, which consists of extremely thin layers of kebab meat layered on top of each other, and some toasted bread, heavenly!

Turning away and back to the guesthouse, I had an hour or so to pass, I walked down the road and appreciated the marvelous views of the Blue Mosque one last time, which surprisingly is what am going to miss most about Istanbul…

*****

Having traveled with as few of expectations as I could foster, I now believe in guesthouses as a viable alternative to fancy ass hotels, I also believe that traveling alone can be a pleasure of its own, you are not obliged to keep up with anyone’s schedule, OR, have the burden of having someone run by yours, it showed me that there is a big difference between Being Alone, and Being Lonely, thankfully I only got to experience the first.

Thinking of it, and of how busy our lives can be, we have lost the grips of being alone with our own selves, my advice to you, dear reader (if any), is to take the time and enjoy the company of your own self, you never know who you would end up with, but you are going to be your own companion till that last breath escapes you…

Love

Ahmad

Istanbul Diaries - Day 4

2009-12-06T12:26:00.001+03:00

Leaving shopping till the last day, I headed towards the much anticipated Grand Bazaar...

Grand Bazaar

True my nature; I forgot my cam’s battery, so no Pictures for today, Eh!

Not wanting to sound stupid or something, i did not understand what the Bazaar is all about, Yes there are a lot of antique shops, leather shops, tacky Turkish memorabilia, but so does the entire rest of Sultan Ahmad area, and honestly, for better deals.

Spending 2 hours or so within the Bazaar, I must say that Turkish salesman (yeah, no saleswoman of any sort) can be quite childish sometimes, I mean 5alas, I don’t want to buy means I don’t want to buy, their reaction; they get SAD, WTF????? You try to rip me off, am not going to buy, grow up!

A part from my visit to the Bazaar, I had to cancel another cruise through the Bosphorus, and kept to my room for the rest of the Afternoon, the evening again was for an outing and another dinner in a very nice Turkish restaurant.

Tugging into my bed, I thought of tomorrow, and of leaving Istanbul!

Love

Ahmad

Istanbul Diaries - Day 3

2009-12-06T01:25:00.003+03:00

My day today is filled with travelling far away, and delving into the unexplored territories of conservative Istanbul.

Eyüp

Basing on Menteen's high recommendations, I set to explore Eyüp, which is more accurately pronounced (Ay-eup), armed with my trusted map and some pocket money, I rode the tram to Eminönü station, from where i was supposed to ride the zigzaggy, boat ride to Eyüp.

Surfing through the Bosphorus is an experience to savour, the views on both sides are amazing, and the great thing is that you can pinpoint the places you haven't been to in your travel planner. Anyho, the trip took approximately 30 minutes, and you know what’s cool, the boat, aside from tourists, is actually a transportation channel for locals between the two sides of the Bosphorus, i mean come-on, its only 1.5 TL (and that’s cheap!).

Eyüp is basically conservative Istanbul; you notice that directly after crossing the street, no one is trying to ram Turkish rugs down your throat, or some overly-expensive goat leather jackets, which is always a welcomed change. The "area" of Eyüp is kind of split in two, the coast, and the mountain area, to which you can either walk (it’s exhausting), OR, take the much easier route; telefreak (cable car), it'll only take you like two minutes, and again, very cheap.

Let me add something here, I love how they are clever enough to match the tokens you use for the metro, with the ones you use for the tram, and with also the ones you use for the telefreak! (But sadly not the bus).

Anyho, up in the mountains and i was like "Take my breath awayyyy, ayyyy, ayyyy", you know the song... Breath-taking views (see picture above), which you can enjoy with what else, a glass of Turkish apple tea.

Chora Church

According to my guide, this church is a regularly forgotten part of Istanbul, and I could understand why! To actually find it I had to walk for over 2.5 hours within the old conservative part, and that was the fun in itself, you know how they say it’s the journey that counts, here it is literally true, this is the part of Istanbul you don't get to see, people are so nice as well, I must have asked for directions a million and one times, and by the time I reached the Church, I had no power in me for a 2-hour plus exploration.

The church is convenient in that way, it only took me 45 minutes to check it out, since it is quite small, but the mosaics are to savour, i love the one by Jesus holding an infant, which according to my guide book, is actually Mary's Soul!

Coming out of the church, you can have a lovely toast and cheese with some tea in the opposite restaurant.

The Evening

Being extremely tired of all the walking, i had only a couple of hours for an outing in the evening, I could not do the Spice Bazaar since it was closed by then, so I went to Taksim again, and hidden at the end of street, is a gem of all restaurants (can't recall its name), were surprisingly, Turkish cuisine is not its best, nevertheless, the dishes it served sure made its way to my heart & appetite.

I cannot miss walking in front of the Blue Mosque and not sit down and stare, there is something about it that is just mesmerizing. You know once I read someplace that to meditate you need to focus on something but not focus at the same time, like stare at the stocks ticker on the bottom of a TV channel but not follow its contents, a sort of a blind stare, this is exactly what the mosque does to me, you do not think, you just stare...

Sigh! Am going to miss it...

Am done for tonight, Night,

Love

Ahmad

Istanbul Diaries - Day 2

2009-12-05T01:45:00.003+03:00

Day 1 was a rush; would Day 2 keep the momentum?

TopKapi Palace Museum…

Being heavily advised to visit the TopKapi palace, I went through the Map several times till I was able to locate it, situated just beyond the Aya Sophia. I packed my map, Lonely Planet’s guide to turkey (a must have, thanks Amto! :)), some money and off I went.

The TopKapi palace is split into four courts, starting with the first, you are welcomed with vast spaces of lush green fields, and to the right the Marmara Sea blooms into view with an air of royalty. Walking through such spaces you start to realize that Istanbul is a romantic city, love is in the air, couples holding hands everywhere, cuddling together on benches and whispering in each other's ears, it surely is a place to create a memory.

On entering the second court things start to get more interesting. To enter this court and anything beyond, you need to buy your ticket, a must have if you want to avoid the scams of tour guides is to rent the audible guide which will guide you through every step in the palace, which I thankfully did acquire, moving through the second courts you get a sense of the size and power of the Ottoman empire, the kitchens on your right sometimes did prepare meals for over 10,000 people a time! On your left, you find the harem and its individual tickets.

Social rituals are a huge part of the late Ottoman culture, and that is apparent in the Harem, or the family headquarters, here, the Sultan, his wife(s), mother, and concubines (sometimes counted to more than 300) gathered and lived as a family, princes got their education and prepared to face the possibility of ruling the empire one day. The lavish settings throughout the harem and especially in the mother's quarters emphasize her importance even in political manners, were her authority was unmatched by anyone other than the Sultan himself.

Leaving the harem you enter the third court of the palace, which holds some of its greatest treasures, whether in the treasury, were gifts from other countries and empires were presented to the Sultan, Or the gifts that the sultan himself gave away to the grave of prophet Muhammad. Continuing within the fourth court DON'T miss passing through the Privy Chambers: The Sacred Trusts Section, it has a collection of Islamic history that you cannot find anywhere else in the world (maybe only in Madina & Mecca), from the earlier keys of the Kaba'a, to the swords of the prophet Muhammad, parts of his beard, to even his footprint when he ascended to the skies.

Ending with a beautiful view of the Marmara Sea in the fourth court, you can enjoy lunch or an early dinner at the only restaurant in the palace (I didn't, by then i only wanted to go home, the palace took me over 6 hours to go through!). Without much thought, I headed home, to my sweet refuge, the guesthouse.

An outing to the True heart of Old Istanbul!

Determined not to waste a second of my stay, taking a shower and resting for a while, I got ready to hit the streets again, when Menteen, the guesthouse owner, suggested a night out in Old Istanbul with some Argileh. While I don't smoke, I went along for the ride, if nothing but his good company, and his stories of scuba diving and east Asia, The scene was a much welcomed relaxation after the morning's wondering.

Sleeping like a baby, I dreamt of my visits to EYÜP the next morning.

Still not missing Jordan, Only the Family, will talk to you soon.

Love

Ahmad

Istanbul Diaries - Day 1

2009-12-03T22:09:00.007+03:00

Feast your EYES!

It’s the colorful, diverse, loud & outspoken Istanbul... And it never fails to deliver!

Our journey, my friends, starts with an extremely early wake-up call to the airport, with the flight leaving Queen Alia's airport at 3.30 a.m., having had the luck of a cat at the end of its 7th span, I was seated next to a notoriously famous specimen, the cheap travelling businessman, who has the amazing capacity of sleeping during the most turbulent of circumstances, 5 minutes abroad the plane and BAM! He is fast asleep and snoring.

Keeping my mind in perspective of the short length of the flight, I fought against focusing on the sweet melodies of our friend. The rest of the flight was uneventful, aside from the tiny portions of cat food presented, and the grumps of the stewardesses (am kidding, they were okay!), we landed in sleepy Istanbul a quarter to 6.

After clearing my way through Visa and passport check, I got introduced to the 20-sth driver; "Taher", who's knowledge of English broke down to "Yes", "No", & "I Don't Know". Taher drove me down to the guesthouse where I had my reservation, and it turned out to be the cutest house ever! Cramped off course, tiny beyond measures for sure, but the air it has could not have been better delivered on intention. For me, it was what Istanbul is all about, simple, colorful, & historic...

The Blue Mosque, Aya Sophia & Basilica Cistern...

The first views of the Blue Mosque; i.e. Sultan Ahmed’s Mosque, are Marvellous, its size, architecture, the harmony of its six minarets (Ma2athen), and the swirling birds cracking the dawn of the sun from behind was a view to savour, its moments like this that I thank the prodigies of Japanese parents who brought us Digital Photography, my camera was in full action mode, trying to capture every second of the experience.

Enter the mosque, and you will understand what the hype is all about, the Islamic artistic flare of Sedefhar Mehmet Ağa (the architect appointed by Sultan Ahmad the first to build it), The Sultan originally commissioned the construction of the mosque to counter the historical Aya Sofia did wonders, every single detail was amazing in its own right.

My visit to the mosque came to its end shortly, having had the time to explore what i managed to, i headed towards Aya Sofia.

Before we start with the Hagia, I want to point out that the Blue Mosque is still active till this day, which means that prayers are still performed there, while Aya Sophia is now considered a museum after its history of serving both as a mosque, and a church, which I believe is the reason behind its majestic charm, the combination of both of the faith backgrounds gives it a special taste.

Going through the gates, you are greeted by an Enormous hall were large, Sorry, LARGE round paintings (for a lack of a better word) of the words Allah, Moh'd, and the rest of the khalifah's are outrageously presented in Gold Letters over Green backgrounds, Continuing to the upper level of the museum, you are encountered with earlier work from the museum's pre-muslim era, with mosaics that showed beautiful artistic drawings.

Turning to the underground Basilica Cistern I must say I was not enthusiastic when I finally found it, there was nothing to show for it above the ground (during that point I did not know it was underground), anyho, I reluctantly paid the admission fees and went in.

It was like I left Istanbul, and dived down to one of the secret passages of Dan Brown, mysteriously red-shaded, with fish swimming in the spooky shallow water, and ending with the Medusa Heads (one up-side down and the other on its side), if you ever go to turkey, don’t miss it!

Taksim - Istikal Street

You would think that all of those historic sites are sitting in the heart of Taksim, the much talked about area of Istanbul. Will if you are like me, and are basically a virgin to Turkish culture and geography, then you are madly mistaken, see all those historic sites are on one side of Istanbul, were the others are sitting a couple of metro stops away, the difference in attitude clearly affirms Taksim's persona as the Posh Istanbul.

Being extremely tired, I strolled with dragging feet along Istikal street, were a million and one Cafe's, restaurants, stores, and antique shops reside. The place is fun for a night-out; I preferred the historical part of Istanbul.

I will back with more updates soon, and no, I don't miss Jordan yet (but i miss me family!).

Love

Ahmad

The Fable of the Seahorse which Lost its Way!

2009-10-23T19:13:00.004+03:00

The below is from Robert Mager (1984). Preparing Instructional Objectives,

(Fearon Teachers Aids), p. v.

Once upon a time a Sea Horse gathered up his seven pieces of eight and cantered out to find his fortune. Before he had travelled very far, he met an Eel, who said, "Psst. Hey bud. Where 'ya goin?"

"I'm going out to find my fortune," replied the Sea Horse, proudly.

"You're in luck," said the Eel. "For four pieces of eight you can have this speedy flipper, and then you will be able to get there a lot faster."

"Gee, that's swell," said the Sea Horse, He paid the money, put on the flipper, and slithered off at twice the speed. Soon he came upon a Sponge, who said, "Psst. Hey bud. Where 'ya goin?"

"I'm going out to find my fortune," replied the Sea Horse.

"You're in luck," said the Sponge. "For a small fee I will let you have this jet-propelled scooter so that you will be able to travel a lot faster."

So the Sea Horse bought the scooter with his remaining money and went zooming through the sea five times faster. Soon he came upon a Shark, who said, "Psst. Hey bud. Where 'ya goin?"

"I'm going out to find my fortune," replied the Sea Horse.

"You're in luck. If you'll take this short cut," said the Shark, pointing to his open mouth, "you'll save yourself a lot of time."

"Gee, thanks," said the Sea horse, and zoomed off into the interior of the Shark, there to be devoured.

The moral of this fable is that if you’re not sure where you’re going, you’re liable to end up someplace else, and not even know it.

Fingering the Chicken!

2009-10-09T21:38:00.002+03:00

Today, having woken swollen from an ill night's sleep, i went through the regular friday routine; got my pen and paper, and rolled out my shopping list, all the regulars were there; Turkey Breast Rolls, Tissue Paper, Cat Food, and yes, Chicken Breasts!

The weather was nice, the drive was calm, the conversation was fluffy, happy, and perfect for a morning such as today... Having had the opportunity to park in the upper side of the mall, i went in, with my trusty companion and fellow shopper, Eddie... Or as i like to call her, Edwina Darling!

In case you were wondering, she's our god-given gift, the indonesian help!

Anyho, shopping was a slight breeze, i even was not quite as picky when the veggies section told me they were out of Gem Lettuce! That was not going to split my brains in half, i simply convinced myself that regular lettuce would do just fine, i had the utmost confidence that today was my day...

Or was it?

From a long standing corner i could see him, lurking around the butchered & frozen section, a.k.a the chicken fridge, examining so intently the contents of each plate, with glasses on, without, and with the half-moon stares of an all knowing scientist, the relationship he developed with the frozen section was weird, but stepping back i focused on getting my chickens and slipping away.

Maneuvering my way was not an easy task, since our friend was evidently checking every plate available, i found my wanting and was about to go away when it all became so clear, he-who-must-not-be-named was making halls in the plastic covers of the plates and poking those poor chickens!!!!! As if H1N1 haven't had its toll yet, we look for other ways to spread our germs, and our poor taste!

Being more shocked than Diane Keaton in the First Wives Club, i stared at him, in the face, intently, waiting for him to look up, the bastard never did, apparently this was so normal that it did not qualify as a horrific breach of shopping etiquette. Not knowing what to do, i left. If the pig was not going to realize it on his own, there was little for me to do...

Moral of the story; always buy your chickens with intact wrappings, or just Go Green!

Colorful Diversity

2009-08-26T22:06:00.003+03:00

Given a canvas, black and white markers, and the freedom to be creative with your hands, a million and one results can be expected!

Imagine how many more you can do if you have an extra red marker?

More i would guess, if you drew a murder scene, red will be the color of blood. if you drew a pot of roses, red will be the color of the petals.

What would you say my friend, if i handed you a Green one. Okay, four colors, now you're just crazy?????

Imagine the possibilities, the murder scene can now have some bushes on the side, the pot can have a green grasshopper shooting up and down.

Wait a second, am going to go BALLISTIC now... Take these, yes Take 'em! yellow, purple, and blue markers...

Your canvas is jumping alive with colors, every single one giving away a tiny detail that you did not see, a tiny detail that you did not think off, till i placed that marker in your hand.

You, me, and them, are part of this HUGE canvas, we are its pots, bushes, and roses, can you picture it? Our lives drawn away with colors so wonderful, so diverse, so exuberant!

What is the meaning of living a life uncluttered by differences?

What is the meaning of having an opinion if everyone else shares it with you?

What is the meaning of shopping if we're going to end up dressing the same?

Celebrate your differences, its what makes you "YOU", us "US", and the canvas a "Matisse"!

Stand still, look around, and appreciate the moment!

2009-08-24T20:48:00.005+03:00

The universe is so diverse, so complicated, and so weirdly connected, yet it chooses to communicate its messages to us in the most subtle of ways.

While enjoying the slight breeze of the afternoon, just an hour or so before the evening calls to fotoor, i was pleasantly surprised by the stillness of the moment, the swing rocking me back and forth ever so slightly, and the wind blowing through my ears and tingling! I looked up and i could see the dandelion's parachute ball swirling around in the wind, and gently falling to the ground, the scene in itself was a beauty, the beauty of the present moment.

We are obsessed with waiting for the happiness that the future is going to bring to us; an upcoming vacation, that new car, a promotion, or even a birthday... Why not stand still, look around, and appreciate the beauty of the moment?

My First Weigh In

2009-07-29T07:38:00.002+03:00

Today, is my Day...

Off to the bathroom to get rid of whatever fluids i can, i jumped on the scales, and watched the ticker wiggle...

Remember i was 124... the Scales showed: 120!

Man, 4 KGs... i love this diet, ... Sticking to it has its perks, but the results are outstanding :)

Have a wonderful Morning Everyone... I know i will...

Greetings from a Slimmer Dude,

ahmad

Day 6, and Counting...

2009-07-27T21:24:00.003+03:00

You know, you can only have one too many turkey cheese rolls, though Bosco doesn't seem to mind eating the rest...

Oh and in case you don't know her, Bosco is a Cat.

Day 6 of the diet and am still on, am actually quite surprised of myself, two weeks ago; over a cup of coffee (or was it tea?), and a delightful conversation, i mocked the very idea of a carb-free diet, and now am more convinced, as days are going by, that this was actually a good idea.

The no-bread craving is the good part actually, as far as sugars ago; am a nut! I usually do tend to go on such diets and eventually give up to the temptation of over-indulgence; yet here, i can indulge, but the foods you are allowed will fill you up and no longer will that appetite butt-in, a practical realization for myself that crabs, the bad kind, are the true reason for my appetite, doing without, am craving food less by the hour.

Loving the creativity in snacks this program is forcing; Almond Yogurt & almond crusted chicken do come to mind; while the latter was an utter failure, the former was a hit; the semi-sweet almondie flavor crashing with the smoothness of the yogurt (i use Activia, surprisingly fulfilling considering the pack size), heavenly!

So how was the first 6 days...

My patience was severely tested on Thursday; having several family visits up my sleeve, we started with a soothing ride down the airport road, greeted by the orange-red horizon of dawn; i managed to refuse Juice, Cake, and Tea; pretty easy Ha? Will do keep in mind i was going 12+ hours on a green salad and 18 almonds, you'll understand.

On we went to the next one, a family reunion, and MAN we have lots of kids in the family (Masha'llah :)), another blocked Pistachio Ice-cream (Booza Arabia), 7 or so rounds of chocolate goodies, mixed with Arabian Sweets (Baqlawa and the sort), and still i resisted, that WAS a tough Day!

The next couple of days went quite well, with ease, mind you, the peanut butter jar did end up a couple of days sooner.

The weigh in is in less than 48 hours; Wednesday Morning.

Warm Wishes from a Carb-less Dude,

ahmad

Day 1

2009-07-23T01:16:00.002+03:00

I have been struggling with my weight for as long as the 7th grade... Needless to say i tried every fad there is, every diet plan, and probably subscribed to every gym in the country.

I never got to the concept of match box sized 7alloumi cheese for dinner, or the 1 tablespoon of diet labaneh for breakfast... I need a change.

Having heard of it quite recently from my aunt, i started googling "South Beach Diet", a diet program developed by a doctor that constitutes three phases developed for weight loss, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

Within the first phase, you go without any carbs; no bread, pasta, or potatoes for an entire two weeks, while concentrating on having 3 full meals, and 2 snacks that fulfills your hunger, without stuffing yourself, roast duck style.

The importance of the first phase is in its cleansing (my comprehension) of your body, it breaks your older habits of sugar, fat, and carb frenzy, and prepares you to a healthier lifestyle, portions are not apparent, you eat to fulfill a hunger, moderately.

So this is me, documenting my first date with the the SBD...

I can officially say that i passed through my first day successfully, its 1.20 a.m., and the day has passed, no bread, no carbs wutsover, although i might add; dipping labaneh with fresh lettuce is not quite the same! something that i definitely must spend time getting used to.

The strange thing is, that am not craving bread, i have thought about it for a couple of times, but never craved it! i think its gonna show some more during the next couple of days.

Breakfast:

2 poached eggs, 1 tomato, Green Peppers.

Snack:

Almonds - blanched - 1 serving.

Lunch:

Roasted skinless boneless chicken breast with veggies.

Snack:

lettuce labaneh sandwiches :)

Dinner:

Fat Free Swiss Cheese Labaneh Rolls.

I cannot believe i made up all of those, what the hell! FAT FREE SWISS CHEESE LABANEH ROLLS... to be honest, i have had a taste for them both since my early years at school... so don't blame the diet...

Am logging off, i will be documenting my day tomorrow as well...

Ah one side note, today's starting weight was 124 KGs... lets see were i end up in two weeks... wish me luck! :)

Salam

Ahmad

a year has passed

2009-07-01T22:25:00.003+03:00

A year has passed, but why does it still feel like yesterday?

A year has passed, and the pain still remains.

A year has passed, and i still cannot stare you in the face.

A yeas has passed, and in my heart, forever, you remain.

Am writing this now, and i know you are listening, to the beats of my heart, to my hands typing it down.

Its one of the things i have never been able to imagine, and i still can't, a vague dream, a puzzling memory am still trying to figure out.

And the funny thing is, i can never remember you but smiling.

Ow that smile of yours, that tiny dot on your forehead i used to make fun off,

your silky smooth hands,

Your soft skin, your full cheeks, and your eyes,

I miss you, i always will, i know i can never forget you, one day, i do hope, i will meet you again,

And then, just then, i can say:

Time has passed, but it still felt like yesterday.

Time has passed, and the pain never went away.

Time has passed, but now i can stare you in the face.

Time has passed, and in my heart, forever, you remained.

your loving son

I had a dream...

2009-06-01T15:31:00.001+03:00

I ate something I shouldn’t have before I went to bed.

And then, I dreamt of you, which was strange, I don’t know you that well, or at least, I knew you. But now you are in the land of stars and stripes.

You told me, this is Natalie, am at east now, are you?
I said no, how can I be? When the whole world is contradicting me.

I apologized for being so stereotypical, but she said it’s okay, you’re amassed with contradictions.
No, it’s not me, I shouted, it’s the world, the Universe, contradicting me, I said again. Firmly. Rigidly.

She smiled so gently, and said: “aren’t you tired yet?, I think it is time, don’t you?”
Blood was screaming, howling, rushing through my head, I could feel my eyes burning down my skull: “HOW CAN IT EVER BE THE TIME? My being is craving, my spirituality is sieving, and am trapped in-between”...

And yet, she smiled, that calm, soothing smile, and said: “You are ready.” Let go and let be.

Am I ready?
Will I ever be ready?
Will I ever break-away?
And let be.

For happiness, peace, & sanity, I will continue to pray...

Power Exchange

2009-01-27T22:00:00.004+03:00

Many of us find the topic of sex threatening, something that we tame out of discussing, but as i was reading through some online resources, i found out one that is quite interesting:

A power exchange occurs in sexual relationships, but does the roles of the submissive and the dominant always reflect the realities of this exchange: i.e. is the submissive always giving in, and the dominant always taking over?

It seems not quite so, some resources argue that dominant individuals in a sexual relationship are compensating in their sex lives for the weaknesses that inform the rest of their lives, and submissive are dominant personalities performing a similar compensating ablution of their psyches, while this may hold true, it gives a new understanding of individuals who are at war when their dominant traits in sexual relationships are translated into a submissive role.

Many people tend to think of dominant/submissive relationships in sex as role playing, which isn't the case always, especially if we take into consideration the various degrees of this relationship, that can be observed from married couples with a "vanilla" taste to more hardcore fans.

What do you think?

Apology

2009-01-15T16:15:00.003+03:00

This is an apology

I can never tell you this in person

I did it, yes it was me,

I stabbed you in the back

I was selfish, ignorant, and driven by my desires

But no more

Will i ever tempt back

You no longer imprison me in my own head

A prisoner of my own thoughts, and imagination

Oh my imagination, how i let you run so wild

Can i tame you? or have i lost the will to try

But you my friend, i don't want you back

I will survive, i always do, but with you, i cannot

So this is me letting you go

This is me saying no

This is me taking control of my life

And Demanding it Back

Coming in terms with changing relationships

2009-01-10T12:52:00.002+03:00

I have this friend, who have had a difficult time with her girlfriends this past year, disappointments, social-drama, and the sort that usually follow a friends break-up.

Having dwelt with it for along time, i could relate, you turn the situation over and over again, trying to figure out the sense of what happened, how did we end up as enemies when we used to be so close, it amazes me how people can be so ignorant over the simplest things, and how we allow a single negativity to ruin an entire friendship.

Am not here today to talk about how to fix them relationships, but about how to deal with them, from my experience, there are two ways; First, you can try to reconcile what's left, be the better person you might say, maybe a simple good morning as you go into work, or for some chit-chat in the office's kitchenette, basically doing what you can do to show your good intents on patching things up, or maybe just have a normal relationship.

OR, and if the above doesn't work, you need to move to what i like to call "Changing from within", it is, in my opinion, one of the best practices that you can do to help you deal with breakups, and its very simple: Whenever we are hurt by someone else, we want the other person to feel what we felt, whether its betrayal, humiliation, or mere sadness, we expect them to revert back to normal if we play nice, and then we hit, that way they can have a taste of what they did. While that may be tempting, most of the time it either doesn't work, or doesn't satisfy our thirst for revenge, so what do we do? We start to change from within ourselves, our expectations for them, when you see them getting together to go out for a lunch break, or when you pass by and you don't get a "Good Morning", you simply train yourself not to expect it, am sure everyone of us have other colleagues that they share their work environment with, and are not "Friends", so basically you have to shift your perspective for them, they are not ex-friends, they are colleagues, you do not care if they greeted you, asked you to join them for a lunch break, or checked up on you, why? You do not expect them to, believe me, as hard as it is in the beginning, it gets easier with time, it is an assured policy to handling those situations.

Good Luck!

2009 Resolutions!

2009-01-03T22:02:00.003+03:00

So i was writing down a list of what i want to accomplish this year, its cliche to the extreme, but its my first time, and i thought it'd be nice to share some stuff:

Loose 20 KGs (i already lost 6).
Read more, at least 12 books.
Learn to create 12 more desert recipes (4 already done).
Visit lebanon (never been there).
pass all my master's subjects.
Be more organized.

I thought those would be enough, if i managed them that is... will keep you updated!

Oh, Its been a while...

2009-01-03T21:35:00.003+03:00

I missed logging to blogger, my last entry was almost 3 months ago, so i made it one of my new year's resolutions to write more, even for the lack of readers, but for my own reference :).

So what have i been up to, since my last post, not much probably, i have been to dubai for a vacation, tailored to fit Kylie's concert at festival city, which was a blast; the choreography, re-mixed hits, herself, the energy, it was just fantastic...

It was also my first visit ever to the UAE, dubai is not what i would call an arabian city by any means, but i think thats what they are aiming for, what struck me wasn't all of the biggest of the biggest in everything, but actually the homogenous culture that they managed to create; i remember on our first day, my sister and her husband took us to the Marina Walk, which is a lovely walk thats surrounded by beautiful landscaping; restaurants, high-rise buildings, but they blend in quite nicely with the scenery of the sea and the parked boats, anyway, and getting to my point, we were there eating, around you can see people of every nationality interacting nicely in the background, no side remarks, no hateful glares (ah we jordanians are best of), everyone is minding there own business, mini skirts, or full on Niqab, you were free to be what you were, that was what amazed me.

Abu Dhabi is somewhat more laid back, more family oriented, i loved the sea there, and i would definitely come back again, i would certainly do once they open up all the cultural sites; the Guggenheim, the opera house, and Abu Dhabi's version of the louvre...

And offcourse, all the family there, which was great catching up with everyone, who made sure we managed to see what we could see in the span of the visit, especially Atlantis, shame we couldn't afford the night (hell we probably cannot afford their valet service :P), maybe in a couple of years...

"We aren't doing the talent section?"... Hilarious

2008-10-11T20:06:00.002+03:00

Its like watching the LOTR movies all over again, each one just gets better...

most recent SNL sketch, this time, its a debate...

"We aren't doing the talent section?" LMAO, this is good comedy... (my tummy hurts!)

Make Me a Muslim

2008-10-11T20:00:00.002+03:00

As i was ever so bored the other day i decided to check out whats been featured on youtube, and something did catch my attention; a British documentary/reality TV show entitled “Make Me a Muslim!”

Now i have to admit i was quite curios about the nature of the show, i streamed it and i was like, OMG, they truly are trying anything to get people’s attention,

I am a muslim, who is quite proud to be, but the thing that got to me is, you cannot force Islam on someone in 3 weeks, it’s pretty hard to digest all of the stuff that you have to digest in such a short notice.

To brief you up, it mainly is the “Experiment” of 4 Muslim British Scholars, who pick a town in the UK, and mainly audition and ask around for anyone who is interested to be ON the show, he/she is required to follow the teachings of Islam for a whole 3 weeks. At first i thought no one would be interested, but surprisingly alot of people actually signed up.

Now, if you take me out of my comfort zone, and ask me to give up mostly every fun activity that i’ve been doing for lets say, all my life, i can’t help but to feel resentment, whether it was drinking, sex, or even my everyday clothing, its a BIG change people, and it doesn’t come easy. Imagine this, for someone who spent most of her adult life as a model, a special kind of model lets say, is asked to cover up from head to toe for 3 weeks, without actually giving her the abitlity to adjust, to think, and to absorb the teachings and logic behind the act of covering up, i don’t expect anything but resentment, its the most logical reaction to someone who came along knocking down all my walls and baring me naked of my entire surrondings.

For me, the path to Islam should be from within, it shouldn’t be forced, even if you want someone to just get the grips of the relegion by experiencing it first hand, you have to give them time to let it sink in, which doesn’t happen over-night, so here comes the question that i’ve been trying to answer? What is the point of such a show, is it truly to get people to appreciate the nature of our wonderful relegion, or to make a media circus out of the whole thing and get higher reviews, because if it was the first, i would have said it failed miserably, instead of getting people to appreciate, and understand, the point of view of islam, it probably made them resent it, and if it was the latter, then its such a shame that we’ve reached an age were we actually Feist our love and need of intrusion to people’s lives to such an extent that we actually need to create this bubble of nonsense to get a grip of realtiy, which doesn’t even seem close to…

if you are interested in learning more about the topic, type “Make Me a Muslim” on http://www.youtube.com

I found this on my old blog and felt like sharing it again.

Another SNL Sketch, Tina Fey doest it again

2008-10-02T13:14:00.003+03:00

This is just Hilarius, click below for the newest sketch of Sarah Palin (Tina Fey) and Katie Couric's (Amy Poehler) - SNL.

I can't stop laughing...

its like und und sunset & sunshine

2008-09-28T17:35:00.004+03:00

I want to vent out...

btw, the title does not relate to the post, in case you were wondering...

Am usually a very helpful person, i go out of my way to do stuff for other people when they ask, and why would i do so? because i think people wouldn't have asked unless they really needed the help, as naive as that is, its how i look at it...

now for me, i do not usually turn and ask for people's help unless i really need it, most often that not for not having enough time to finish up, and for some reason, i always expect a firm "yes, i will" of people, and is often left with half a brain when that doesn't happen...

Being in such situations have taught me to put myself in other's shoes before i judge, vent, and decide to do sth that i might regret later, does that person even ask for my help? have i ever turned a cry of help before?... it helps keep things in perspective...

well, i don't really think i have a point here, just some conclusions that am figuring out as i write this down, but it will continue to bug me, asking for help is the first step, so step up and give it to me...

Tina Fey as Sarah Palin on SNL

2008-09-15T20:09:00.002+03:00

Tina Fey must one of most entertaining comedians ever, specially in this spoof on SNL, (also starring Amy Poehler as Ms. Clinton)

Enjoy!

How to: Make an Apple Pie!

2008-09-14T20:20:00.005+03:00

This blog has been in my mind for a while now, and should hopefully start a "How To" series of other blogs that i think you might find helpful. :), yay!

So, lets start;

*Ingredients

For the filling, you will need;

9 Apples (Granny Smith).
4 Tbsp (tablespoon) of Apricot Jam.
8 Tbsp of brown sugar.
2 cups (200 ml) of water.
3 Tsp (teaspoon) of cinnamon.
1/4 of a Tsp lemon zest.

For the dough, you will need;

200 grams of butter, unsalted.
3 1/2 cups (200 ml) of regular flour.
1 to 2 Tbsp COLD water.

*Preparation

Peal the apples, cut each as desired, for a better final presentation of pie cut into small pieces.
Heat the 2 cups of water, add the Apricot Jam, Brown Sugar and stir till ingredients are partially mixed with the water.
Add to the above mix the pealed and cut Apples, then add the Cinnamon and the lemon zest, mix all of the ingredients and leave covered on medium heat for approx. 20 minutes or till the apples are juicy and almost transparent. Please note here that cooking time depends on type of apples selected, Granny Smith apples take longer to cook than, lets say, Ginger Gold apples.
While the mix is cooking, add blocks of Butter to the Regular Flour, mixing should be done slowly, since you want the butter to milt within room temperature and mix with the flour, continue to add the butter to the mix.
Halfway through adding butter, add 1 Tbsp of COLD water, the water must be cold since it will be used to cool down the butter that now holds the dough.
Continue with the rest of the butter and finally add the second Tbsp of COLD water, if it is needed, you can add an additional Tbsp or two of COLD water depending no your mix and dough.
After finishing with the dough, refrigerate for 30 minutes.
Take the dough out of the fridge, divide into two parts, 2/3 to 1/3, the 2/3 will be used for the bottom and sides of the pie, the 1/3 for covering it.
Using a non-stick pan, spread the 2/3's of the dough to cover the bottom and the sides of the pan.
Add the cooked mix of the apples.
Cover with the 1/3 of the dough remaining.
Cook pie at 180 C, for 25 minutes.
Preferable, toast the pie's top for no more than 3 minutes.

Serve either hot with some vanilla ice cream, or refrigerate and serve alone.

Sa7tain!!!

Tip: if you are using different apples (other than Granny Smith), you may want to reconsider the amount of brown sugar used, depending on the apple's sweetness.

Action Alert | Ramadan Food Drive

2008-09-12T13:01:00.001+03:00

Source

So it’s that time of the year again folks and hopefully we can rally together to make a difference in the lives of a few citizens. The Action Committee has started its food drive for Ramadan and your help is needed! The Ramadan food package is going to cost 20JDs and will contain:

3 kg Rice
3 kg Sugar
2 kg Beans
2 kg Lentils
6 Packs of Pasta
2 Cans Tomato Paste
1 kg Tea
2 A’mar Eldin
1 Oil
½ kg Dates
12 packs Maggie

The drive is underway and will last for the next week or so, depending on the donations. The Action Committee is targeting the last 10 days of Ramadan for distribution.

So tell a friend, tell a family member, tell the neighbor, tell the people at work, even the weird guy who sits in the corner of the office and who no one talks to; this could be your chance.

For bloggers: Forward this message. Post about it. Spread it. Mobilize!

Just like last time, when we went from this, to this. It’ll be interesting to see the extent to which blogs can make a social impact in Jordan.

You can contact Sara at 079-5154498

The Facebook Group

9/11, 7 Years and Counting

2008-09-11T12:30:00.002+03:00

Exactly 7 years ago, i remember getting a call from my friend at school, telling me to urgently switch to CNN, one of the World Trade Centers was up in flames.

Back at that time, i did not what the WTC is in the first place, to me it was some couple of tall buildings that we regularly saw in movies, and till this day, it still is the same, but it transformed a whole lot, and not probably for the best.

I don't really care to talk about politics here, but what struck me is that it has been 7 YEARS, that, is a lot of time, but coming to think of it, is it?

A thought came to my mind; am sure most of us know someone, either closely or though friends and family, who is related, or connected, to someone who is terminally ill, how they are told that they have so and so years to live by, maybe even months, and worst; weeks.

If you were told today, that someone you hold dear to your heart is going to die in 7 years, what will you do differently?

We as humans are selfish beings, even in our feelings, we always want more, and most of the time we give less, take a time to look around you, who in your life deserves your attention today, and who are you wasting your time with;

Is your wife at home and you're spending way too much hours at the office, work can wait, she may can't.

Is your girlfriend still waiting for that special visit from your parents, will try to forgo the new car for now, and jump the wagon, you may be left with nothing but the fond memories of her.

cherish every moment you have with the people that you love as it is the last, remember, the past is gone, the future is yet to come, but the present is what you have at the moment, its your gift from the Universe, use it well.

thank you

2008-09-11T05:41:00.002+03:00

I have been meaning to write this down for quite some time,

Ever since i lost my mother, which was exactly 2 months, 9 days ago, i, and our family, have been blessed with unlimited support from our families; aunts, uncles, friends, cousins, it was really overwhelming, to all of you, i say thank you.

I remember a sparkle in her eyes, she used to talk passionately, i like to think that i have that too, am not sure if i do, or is it me just being a pain in the ass, her idealism sometimes triggered the same in me, ill owe it to her.

But during this whole time, one person in particular really shown out to remind me of her, it wasn't that she did anything that much different than the others, who did more than i ever could imagine, but it was something i could see in the soft wrinkles around her eyes, how they used to come out beautifully whenever she smiled, her eyes shown, her sweet smile, and her infectious laugh, to you amto Wedad, i love, and i thank god for having you in my life.

To the others, who really touched my life in ways i may never be able to pay back, i also want to thank you for making this difficult time as easy as it could be.

Happy Ramadan to you all, we'll be having fotoor soon i guess,

love
ahmad

the magical powers of Organization

2008-08-26T22:37:00.003+03:00

Ever since some couple of years, i tend to fall into trances were the focus is all negative, all worrisome, and all in an endless loop that leads to lots of takeouts, will & grace, and sleepless nights.

I have grown to figure out the symptoms of these kinds of mood swings from far away, and knowing how once i get into one, am in the whirl, i still do drag myself into it, i thought extensively of this, of why do i do it? is it because i feel that by doing it i can rise back up again? and somehow stir up my routine? Or do i do it because somewhere, deep down, i like the feeling, sort of a love-hate relationship? This and many other explanations that i came up through the years that regularly failed to sum up the logic of my delimma.

Very recently, during one of those "swings", and while enjoying an unusual posture, i was flipping through a book that I've been putting on hold for a while now, but one section that day caught my attention, it spoke so honestly of the things that i have been going through. Now i know this is really used up, but i felt that most, if not all, of the stuff i was reading perfectly summed up my feelings in such trances; the sleepless nights, the sickening feeling of emptiness, the over indulgence in much of the stuff that i would be doing and so on,

and then it hit me; Organization!

Can this be somehow be traced back to my bad sense of organization?

Can it be solved if i was more organized?

To further explain more, i tried the concept that was presented within this book to see if it actually works;

It suggests filling up one's day, planning it from start to finish, even if it was roughly, your wake up call, your breakfast, lunch, and dinner, when approximately will i be leaving work that day, what did i need to do at work (and actually writing a "To Do List"), what will i be doing when i get home, what am i having for lunch, when will i be going to bed ...etc.

What did amaze me, is that most of the stuff (just regular stuff), that i have been wanting to do for along time, filled in nicely within my schedule; Morning Walk, Neat Breakfast, Work (and Work and Work), Lunch, Reading, Exercise, some Will & Grace, and and and...

this brings me back to the reason i started all of this; Organizing my day did NOT leave a chance for those empty thoughts to crawl back into my head, it also did NOT leave a chance for any "negative" acts of self deprivation, and got me totally EXHAUSTED by the end of the day, which brings us to the finale of 5 S's; Seiri, Seiton, Seiso, Seiketsu & Shitsuke (translated to: Sorting, Setting in Order, Sweeping, Standardizing, Sustaining); a Japanese Methodology that best translates my actions, thanks Jamal!

Enjoyig it for what it is

2008-08-15T15:02:00.002+03:00

It comes around that lots of the people that we come across in our everyday lives are possible friends, girlfriends, boyfriends, workmates, playmates, workout buddies and so on, but what do you do when you have a crush on someone that you know it can never happen, she may be your friend's sister, your workmate, your boss, or for whatever reason someone you cannot be with!

There will always be that tiny ray of hope that maybe, maybe, someday it will come true, or you may get over your crush sooner than you think, but my question is: would you give up your relationship with that person to crush out?

If you believe that what you share with that someone is worth working for, why don't we enjoy the relationship for what it is, if we cannot have all of what we want, does that mean we have to leave the rest? probably one of the best pieces of advice i ever recieved.

i agree that it can be hard sometimes to move on from the place you want to be to were reality is taking you, but if you take the leap, it can sometimes lead to a better place that you first imagined.

This comes in as yet another way to start looking for the best in your life, living it to its fullest, and remember, if you can't have the cake, you might as well try the icing...

Enjoy!

Yepeee! smoke your way into a cancer infested Jordan

2008-08-06T12:42:00.003+03:00

As we went down to the parking, were most of the employees enjoy a break with a cigarette or a cup of coffee, I go down to get a wisp of fresh air (if any).

Regulars light up like pros, talk some, it’s okay right? They have been smoking for a couple of months/years now, they’re past the time were they probably feel weird and self conscious whenever they light up, maybe a friend is passing by that doesn’t know yet, they haven’t got that unspoken approval of their friends and families “its okay to smoke, we don’t have to talk about it, you know it can kill you, but hey, it’s your life”.

I understand that smoking is extremely addictive, everyone of us have his additive, mine might just be eating, but then again, there are things that you can go through life without (regrettable eating is not one of them J), but smoking is one of those things that you can, they why do you do it?

My parents are/were both smokers, thankfully I have a brother and a sister that were smart enough not to fall into that pit, maybe it is the awareness that we had through seeing what smoking really is, I tend to notice that usually parents who smoke have children who doesn’t (statistically the exact opposite is true, but I don’t speak statistics at the moment, but rather my own observations), and I think we most agree that public awareness towards smoking and its affects is now very widespread if compared to a couple of decades ago, when our parents started to, its not an excuse, but rather an explanation, and this is what I don’t understand: knowing what you know today, why, and WHY, would you smoke?????

Am talking to those of you who haven’t lit a cigarette ever, or probably tried it once or twice and thought; “Eh, maybe I like it!” or whatever, you haven’t yet fallen, they why drag yourself there.

My own reasoning of this is the social acceptance of smoking, it is considered among teens as being “hip” and “trendy”, maybe even “manly”, but we are past those years now, do you still feel the need to do so? Do you really feel that you need to smoke to be socially acceptable?

Others may disagree, and I get a lot of those, “oh yeah I don’t smoke, I just light up once in a while”, oh wake up! You either smoke or you don’t, if you feel it’s okay, and you do it, then why the hell do you go off saying that you don’t, own it, don’t go around pretending you’re not doing it, you cannot please both sides, it’s a fact, there are people who will find it socially acceptable, even a preference, and there are those who won’t, pick a side.

Some of the people I know, who are starting to smoke (you know who you are), can get irritated by my constant nagging about it, well I don’t like to nag, but it bugs me because I do give a rats ass about their health, just like people constantly telling me I should lose weight (and I know I have a problem, am facing it), it’s the same thing.

And one last thing, to friends who offer friends a smoke, I mean what the **** is wrong with u? you know it’s bad, you want to quit like crazy (I don’t think in a million years I will ever be convinced that you don’t want to), why the hell do you want him/her to be addicted? Are you that selfish? Can’t you handle the fact that you have fallen into it and you want them to fall with you? Be a man and take responsibility for your actions.

a panoramic view

2008-08-06T10:23:00.002+03:00

Last week, and as a fruitful result of my friends hard working efforts to group us all together, we went down to have some late lunch, and enjoy the sunset at the dead sea, up through the mountains at an isolated outing called Panorama!

Am usually not a fan of such places, I’ve been there once before, and although it was a peaceful and pleasant, I couldn’t help but wonder that the sunny skies, and extreme humidity of the place would ruin the atmosphere...

How wrong was I!

I probably haven’t stressed this point enough to my friends, but the view is SPECTACULAR, the last time (and actually the only time) that I went there was after dark, and although you could sense the beauty of the sea at night, you couldn’t see it right, but this time it was different, up from the sides of the mountains were the restaurant/museum (yes there is one) resides we enjoyed a slight breeze while staring at the sea that managed to flow effortlessly.

There is something about the sea that grips you, it’s one of those places where you can easily site, stare, and get lost in your own thoughts, I guess I understood the “talking to the sea” part.
This brings me back to a conversation I had with a friend of mine the other day,

We were discussing Jordan, Palestine and the complex relationship that they have, I can say that I have a neutral view on the subject (I didn’t have a grip on the reality of the conflicts that were between the two till my early university years, my world consisted of my semi exclusive circassian school that didn’t help much!), anyho, the conversation did lead up to further talks about the nature of the people of our country, and you cannot disagree, we are grumpy most of the time, and hardly smile.

Can that be traced back to the rough nature of our country, I mean think of it this way, the Lebanese have their share of the sea and natural resources, same goes for Syria & Egypt, while if you look at our country, we mostly come from Bedouin tribes that roamed the country looking for resources, mainly water, and that must have toughened their life styles, because the surroundings were also rough, they had to be.

I know there are exceptions to this, but I can’t help but see it relating directly to this.

Can a multi hundred years of a rough style change who you are? Tell me what do you think...

a bubbled Jordan?

2008-07-24T02:36:00.006+03:00

as i was driving back from the movies tonight, i had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine.

Are we living in a bubble? or should i say; are we living in tiny little bubbles? is the society simply a group of separate bubbles that manage to, somehow, exist in a weird set of harmony?

the topic, was, and is, the situation of Jordan's society, its culture; we seem to be heading toward an end were we are now being faced with extremes; taken from a religious point of view (one of many), you see people following strict teachings of their faiths, mostly Muslims, and others who are living their lives with no regard to a spiritual presence,
doing so, people of the latter group tend to cross most, if not all, of the first group's lines, which regularly leads to tantrums that we witness either in the news, written articles, violent outbreaks, or even the Friday prayers...

if we are living in separate bubbles, and these bubbles, being indifferent of the others' presence, are living up in that harmony, why are witnessing excessive levels of hate crimes and honor killings, just to name a few?

somehow, your actions, whether you go out of your way to keep a secret, or express freely to the world, will end up existing in another bubble were the people there are, putting it slightly, not so understanding of your actions and opinions, which when they voice out, stirs the mix of the so called harmony that we like to believe exists...

the point of this nonsense is quite simple; our actions are regularly mirrored in ways we do not usually tend to forecast, and living in a relatively reserved, small society like ours will eventually have one end or another blow up in our faces...

just a heads up... tell me what do you think?

smile

2008-07-14T21:18:00.001+03:00

today i got a visit from an old friend

he have been studying abroad for some time now, and i remember him vividly, he was the one who would say the most outrageous things, that me, as the younger one, were always amazed by, but as time went on, i started to realize how naive i have been,

but i couldn't be happier of the way the experience have brought him up, he's a changed man, i could sense it in his tone, the way he perceived the world, and talked about life,

the thing that was so true, was his view of our population, "when you are in a park out there, you run across mothers and babies strolling through, were you casually play along with the little baby, while he smiles that biggish smile of his and makes your way", "i don't think you can have that in Jordan, you will most probably start a fight if you do so",

maybe the baby thing is not the best example, but we are known for being really unpleasant most of the time, passing by the street, if you smile in the faces of the people, you will most probably be laughed at (not with).

yet again, change doesn't happen overnight, but it isn't that hard, all it needs are the gestures and the work of the little people, Us, maybe next time we're passing down one of our streets, we'll smile once or twice, or maybe say "Ya3teek El 3afieh" to the Egyptian who's sweeping the street, am sure you will make someone's day!

Keep Smiling People! :D

my closure

2008-07-12T12:47:00.001+03:00

It was on the way to the hospital that I got my closure

I was setting in the back of the van, holding a hand over her cold hands,

Trying to remember her face from yesterday, I remember when we sat talking, I held that image in my head, and I stared her in the eyes, half crying, half smiling, but she wasn’t her usual self, she was crying,

“No you won’t cry” I said, “Smile your big smile with me now, this is important, and this would be my last opportunity to talk to you, we don't have much time”

“remember how much he loves you, he loves you more than I do”, “and you remember the days when you used to say, he comes first, and then us, your own children”

“how can I be sad to leave you, I wil miss you, but you are going to meet him at last, remember how you always said you wanted to go strong as you always were, and now your wish came true”

just remember when you’re asked; “Allah is my god, Islam is my religion”, “Ashhad Anna La Elaha Ella Allah, Wa Ashhad Anna Mohammadon Rasool Allah”,

I said it over and over and over again,
But she was smiling now
She got me

I asked her, “Sho Betwasene?”,

How silly of me, asking a question I know the answer to,

Take care of Baba, taimour and tamara, keep on your prayers.

“you will always be in m heart mama”, “I will never forget you”, “you will be as proud of me as you always were”…

the van rolled its roar to a halt, I remember carrying her body in…

you might have gone, but in my heart you will live forever…

goodbye

your loving son,