a year has passed
Wednesday, July 1, 2009

A year has passed, but why does it still feel like yesterday?

A year has passed, and the pain still remains.
A year has passed, and i still cannot stare you in the face.
A yeas has passed, and in my heart, forever, you remain.

Am writing this now, and i know you are listening, to the beats of my heart, to my hands typing it down.
Its one of the things i have never been able to imagine, and i still can't, a vague dream, a puzzling memory am still trying to figure out.
And the funny thing is, i can never remember you but smiling.

Ow that smile of yours, that tiny dot on your forehead i used to make fun off,
your silky smooth hands,
Your soft skin, your full cheeks, and your eyes,

I miss you, i always will, i know i can never forget you, one day, i do hope, i will meet you again,
And then, just then, i can say:

Time has passed, but it still felt like yesterday.
Time has passed, and the pain never went away.
Time has passed, but now i can stare you in the face.
Time has passed, and in my heart, forever, you remained.

your loving son


Posted byhamatosha at 10:25 PM 0 comments  

I had a dream...
Monday, June 1, 2009

I ate something I shouldn’t have before I went to bed.

And then, I dreamt of you, which was strange, I don’t know you that well, or at least, I knew you. But now you are in the land of stars and stripes.

You told me, this is Natalie, am at east now, are you?
I said no, how can I be? When the whole world is contradicting me.

I apologized for being so stereotypical, but she said it’s okay, you’re amassed with contradictions.
No, it’s not me, I shouted, it’s the world, the Universe, contradicting me, I said again. Firmly. Rigidly.

She smiled so gently, and said: “aren’t you tired yet?, I think it is time, don’t you?”
Blood was screaming, howling, rushing through my head, I could feel my eyes burning down my skull: “HOW CAN IT EVER BE THE TIME? My being is craving, my spirituality is sieving, and am trapped in-between”...

And yet, she smiled, that calm, soothing smile, and said: “You are ready.” Let go and let be.



Am I ready?
Will I ever be ready?
Will I ever break-away?
And let be.

For happiness, peace, & sanity, I will continue to pray...

Posted byhamatosha at 3:31 PM 0 comments  

Power Exchange
Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Many of us find the topic of sex threatening, something that we tame out of discussing, but as i was reading through some online resources, i found out one that is quite interesting:


A power exchange occurs in sexual relationships, but does the roles of the submissive and the dominant always reflect the realities of this exchange: i.e. is the submissive always giving in, and the dominant always taking over?

It seems not quite so, some resources argue that dominant individuals in a sexual relationship are compensating in their sex lives for the weaknesses that inform the rest of their lives, and submissive are dominant personalities performing a similar compensating ablution of their psyches, while this may hold true, it gives a new understanding of individuals who are at war when their dominant traits in sexual relationships are translated into a submissive role.

Many people tend to think of dominant/submissive relationships in sex as role playing, which isn't the case always, especially if we take into consideration the various degrees of this relationship, that can be observed from married couples with a "vanilla" taste to more hardcore fans.

What do you think?

Posted byhamatosha at 10:00 PM 2 comments  

Apology
Thursday, January 15, 2009

This is an apology

I can never tell you this in person

I did it, yes it was me,
I stabbed you in the back
I was selfish, ignorant, and driven by my desires

But no more
Will i ever tempt back
You no longer imprison me in my own head
A prisoner of my own thoughts, and imagination

Oh my imagination, how i let you run so wild
Can i tame you? or have i lost the will to try

But you my friend, i don't want you back
I will survive, i always do, but with you, i cannot

So this is me letting you go
This is me saying no
This is me taking control of my life

And Demanding it Back

Posted byhamatosha at 4:15 PM 0 comments  

Coming in terms with changing relationships
Saturday, January 10, 2009

I have this friend, who have had a difficult time with her girlfriends this past year, disappointments, social-drama, and the sort that usually follow a friends break-up.


Having dwelt with it for along time, i could relate, you turn the situation over and over again, trying to figure out the sense of what happened, how did we end up as enemies when we used to be so close, it amazes me how people can be so ignorant over the simplest things, and how we allow a single negativity to ruin an entire friendship.

Am not here today to talk about how to fix them relationships, but about how to deal with them, from my experience, there are two ways; First, you can try to reconcile what's left, be the better person you might say, maybe a simple good morning as you go into work, or for some chit-chat in the office's kitchenette, basically doing what you can do to show your good intents on patching things up, or maybe just have a normal relationship.

OR, and if the above doesn't work, you need to move to what i like to call "Changing from within", it is, in my opinion, one of the best practices that you can do to help you deal with breakups, and its very simple: Whenever we are hurt by someone else, we want the other person to feel what we felt, whether its betrayal, humiliation, or mere sadness, we expect them to revert back to normal if we play nice, and then we hit, that way they can have a taste of what they did. While that may be tempting, most of the time it either doesn't work, or doesn't satisfy our thirst for revenge, so what do we do? We start to change from within ourselves, our expectations for them, when you see them getting together to go out for a lunch break, or when you pass by and you don't get a "Good Morning", you simply train yourself not to expect it, am sure everyone of us have other colleagues that they share their work environment with, and are not "Friends", so basically you have to shift your perspective for them, they are not ex-friends, they are colleagues, you do not care if they greeted you, asked you to join them for a lunch break, or checked up on you, why? You do not expect them to, believe me, as hard as it is in the beginning, it gets easier with time, it is an assured policy to handling those situations.

Good Luck!

Posted byhamatosha at 12:52 PM 0 comments  

2009 Resolutions!
Saturday, January 3, 2009


So i was writing down a list of what i want to accomplish this year, its cliche to the extreme, but its my first time, and i thought it'd be nice to share some stuff:

  1. Loose 20 KGs (i already lost 6).
  2. Read more, at least 12 books.
  3. Learn to create 12 more desert recipes (4 already done).
  4. Visit lebanon (never been there).
  5. pass all my master's subjects.
  6. Be more organized.
I thought those would be enough, if i managed them that is... will keep you updated!

Posted byhamatosha at 10:02 PM 0 comments  

Oh, Its been a while...


I missed logging to blogger, my last entry was almost 3 months ago, so i made it one of my new year's resolutions to write more, even for the lack of readers, but for my own reference :).

So what have i been up to, since my last post, not much probably, i have been to dubai for a vacation, tailored to fit Kylie's concert at festival city, which was a blast; the choreography, re-mixed hits, herself, the energy, it was just fantastic...

It was also my first visit ever to the UAE, dubai is not what i would call an arabian city by any means, but i think thats what they are aiming for, what struck me wasn't all of the biggest of the biggest in everything, but actually the homogenous culture that they managed to create; i remember on our first day, my sister and her husband took us to the Marina Walk, which is a lovely walk thats surrounded by beautiful landscaping; restaurants, high-rise buildings, but they blend in quite nicely with the scenery of the sea and the parked boats, anyway, and getting to my point, we were there eating, around you can see people of every nationality interacting nicely in the background, no side remarks, no hateful glares (ah we jordanians are best of), everyone is minding there own business, mini skirts, or full on Niqab, you were free to be what you were, that was what amazed me.

Abu Dhabi is somewhat more laid back, more family oriented, i loved the sea there, and i would definitely come back again, i would certainly do once they open up all the cultural sites; the Guggenheim, the opera house, and Abu Dhabi's version of the louvre...

And offcourse, all the family there, which was great catching up with everyone, who made sure we managed to see what we could see in the span of the visit, especially Atlantis, shame we couldn't afford the night (hell we probably cannot afford their valet service :P), maybe in a couple of years...

Posted byhamatosha at 9:35 PM 0 comments  

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